I didn't want to wait more than 6 years to m ove in with my partner. De-programme your mind that your ex was “The One.” Examine the REAL psychology behind why you first fell in love with this person (this will allow you to see that you don’t really love your ex as much as you think you do right now) Remove specific memories of your ex that are haunting you (like seeing your ex with someone new). I obviously declined this because I didn't love him anymore and it was so grossly desperate. When the question of speaking to your ex arises, there are many factors to consider, not the least of which is the state in which your breakup occurred. You're turning 21 soon, please don't drink your pain away, its tempting and inviting but speaking from experience, definitely not good, I also really hope you find out a housing situation soon but otherwise, it's great that things are looking up, Press J to jump to the feed. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. edit: To whomever gave me gold, I already thanked you via PM, but again, thank you very much. My ex seems to be happy right now. If your ex-spouse was selfish and mean, it's okay to describe them that way and to not go reaching for a psychiatric explanation for their behavior. Get a haircut, and accept that your ex was a part of your life to help you grow as a person. I'm acutely aware of how others seem to be feeling and it's not something I can turn off. Just being present and "in the moment" -- be aware of what's happening and by and large not being distracted by thoughts that are elsewhere. We're all very preoccupied with our own lives. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. But let's talk about what he did to me. I sometimes notice a 10% off (or 50% off at McDonalds) from my wait staff who I've been nice to. It goes something like this: Treat everyone as though they're as awesome as you yourself are. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I'm sorry you're feeling this, but it gets better. What do all those things have in common? You can even write a letter to your ex pouring out all your feelings (but destroy it when you’re done so that you won’t be tempted to send it). There's no point in stressing out about the things outside of your control because no amount of your stress will change anything. I told him that sounded great. He abused me. Well, he tried to go in for a kiss multiple times and multiple times I turned away and tried to get out of the hug. If you are not happy with your own self, then your own issues can affect your significant other and it can pose a threat to your relationship. Finally, your ex still treats you badly. is very similar to, or may be a manifestation of, the concept of mindfulness. The biggest thing I've learned in life is that there are things that you can control and things you can't. He told me he wanted to live with me for a year then be engaged then get married. If you spend your time worrying about the things that you can control you will be much happier. This isn’t about winning, how quickly you get into the new relationship depends on your needs and preferences. It’s worse at night, when there are no distractions. The other 85% of them will say thank you and appreciate the comment. Throw/hide everything that reminds you of your ex. With these examples, they can create a spark of attraction with your ex, but I don’t recommend that you just stick to text. And I am getting kicked out of the house I live in with our mutual friends. When I die I want my group project members to lower me in my grave, so they can let me down one last time. Focus on being positive. I'm so busy all the time that I need to put everything on the shelf all the time. 10. We had a loose plan and I was going to be with him for 6 more years until we could even move in together. He was on his hands and knees, begging me to let him DROP OUT OF SCHOOL!? 3406 CDN This week, I had an undeniably awkward encounter with my ex-boyfriend. He has never raised a hand at me. I'm not sure if anyone will read this because it's so long. We would've been dating for 7 years if we got married at 25. If it was a tumultuous breakup, in which one or both partners felt betrayed, staying away might be the better path. Sorry about your garbage excuse of human ex but I'm happy for you that you're in a better situation now. I didn't report anything to the police, but I've told all of our mutual friends and they all still love him and accept him and he is living 'the dream' with a girl he told me was not as pretty as me and that he still loves me while he was actively dating her. That was my issue. Smile at the person who takes your order at McDonalds, ask your waiter/waitress how their day is going, ask the parking lot attendant if hes doing ok today, let someone turn in front of you, or cross in front of you. Read it over, accept that it wouldn't have worked out in the long run, throw that list away. Our relationship was far from perfect. The best way to get back at an ex is to live a better life than them, if he want's to remain unmotivated to better himself than you just cut off an anchor while trying to stay afloat. Your ex is critical of your parenting, judgmental and self-righteous. Texting can be an extremely effective method of establishing rapport, trust, and attraction with your ex… if executed correctly.. BUT… Beware! This probably works in America, but there are countries where asking strangers if they are doing OK will make things awkward rather than friendly. You probably are! He is very understanding of the situation and is the nicest guy I have ever met. He has grabbed the steering wheel when I've been driving in the car towards oncoming traffic and he has bruised me 'on accident' so bad I had to hide it for work. Simply focus on getting a bit of a spark … It will take awhile to retrain your mind, but I've noticed that it helps my overall mood stay positive during the day. It is hard when I feel so cheated. (I will expand on this). He assaulted me the last time we met in person. That is the same friend who plays games with him everynight and I get to hear them talk about my ex's new girl. He makes me feel loved and cared for. Glad I read the autopilot part especially. This needs more upvotes. The "autopilot" part here is excellent advice. Okay, petty time over. By Nikki Vee. I have noticed that people are generally way nicer when you are positive minded. He wouldn't let me go. It's hard for me to express how it feels in words, but imagine that almost every encounter with anyone gives this great satisfaction. Not just for their sake but for my own. If you still hate your ex, that means you’re still passionate about their existence and passion does not equal “over it.” Rather, you should be neutral slash respectful of them. He has never threatened me. It breaks the cycle of monotony and sadness if you personalize your experience a little bit. Even strangers! You see your Ex — the happy, sweet, fun one you first fell in love with — sharing the best parts of themselves (and hiding the rest). Does this new girlfriend know this? After all, they just want you to be happy… Thank those who let you do it in front of them! I finally got into that game I've been scared to play since my ex and I broke up. And then he kissed me. He was set to graduate at 24-25. The truth is, if you really want to get him back, you should follow the steps outlined here.. I once read an article that discussed how there is nothing worse on earth than having your ex be more successful than you are post-breakup. He looked pathetic and I felt horrible but I needed to be firm because he tried to drop out of college for me. Release your feelings in a healthy way, such as by crying or talking to a friend. The issue was that he refused to focus or give a shit about his studies and was at risk of repeating multiple years in college despite not having any financial problems (he lived at home and got free college, free meals, free laundry, free rent... free everything but uber to and from work because his childish self couldn't drive). Your ex cares enough to remember when your birthday is and go out of his or her way to wish you a happy birthday or even bring you a gift. I have a whole list o projects, not big ones but still things i really want to get done. I didn't want a long engagement and would've loved to have been married at 25 (that's how old my mother was when she got married and she is no longer alive so I thought it was cute to try for that age. FYI the 'not being on autopilot' thing (which is excellent advice!) The harder he looks, the more invested he will be. Your ex’s new relationship doesn’t make you a loser. I'm going to be alittle more of an adult. This is the reason why some people never find happiness. Showing your support for a friend who's just ended a relationship can be a really important part of helping them through a difficult period. OK, so now at least you should have some idea of how to respond if your ex texts you out of the blue. From my experience people seem to like you more for the person you are if you follow these steps. I never rushed him through his education. Towson University. This is exactly what I tell people. Good luck and be happy! After being together for about a year we started discussing things like how old we would like to be to get married or engaged. For example, if your ex still tries to reminisce with you about the good times you shared together or hints at the idea of you two reuniting later on in life, they're probably not over the breakup. Does she know how awful he is? Unfortunately, once … 243 votes, 195 comments. And then some feeling sorry for myself. (We would've had to wait because he can't move out and still get free college). Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Not that I do it for the benefits I receive, but I have been blessed with several notable positive outcomes from simply paying attention and treating people kindly. He asked me how I felt afterwards. I know it's not easy but it is possible and the more you practice it the better you'll be at it. I did a bad thing and checked on his social media, I know, I know I learned my lesson tonight. It will work itself out. Please tell me that you are a therapist. Sometimes you don't have control over how things go in your life, but you can control your reaction to them. One of the meanest, hardest, most sarcastic, stone-faced, monotonous dudes I have ever met, is also one of the funniest, happiest dudes I know. I got a raise at work. I believe in a kind of more direct karma, which is a very similar philosophy. He felt bad so I tried to say it wasn't all his fault. At the end of the talk we hugged. TL;DR My ex is boasting about his perfect life in 2021 with a new girlfriend who respects him and his education when he suggested he drop out of college and when he abused me. Cookies help us deliver our Services. The entire talk was me having to convince him to stop begging for my affection and to tell him I don't love him and no matter how much he pleads I will not change my mind. It also empowers/motivates me because even when I feel like every thing is spiralling out of control, I can take back the control by how I react to the situation. 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